It’s been a while, too busy. Students staying, old friend visiting from New Zealand, 11+ exam results for my first born. Why is life so busy all the time?
This week was half term and I took the week off work to juts be with my kids and chill out. It’s been amazing. I actually feel like I’ve had a break from everything. The kids are relaxed and happy and ready for school tomorrow.
So following on from my spiritual awakening, I am definitely looking through a different lens at life these days. The ability to say “no” to people without hurting their feelings seems to be a new super power I have developed this month. My ability to listen has improved, not talking over people so much which is how I used to be.
The most notable thing I’ve observed is myself and how I look and feel at all times. I’m listening to what my body is telling me. For the last couple of years, I’ve had a very red nose and I wear makeup daily so hide it and so long as I can hide it, it’s been fine. But I finally realised that I need to find out what is causing this and eliminate it so that I can wake up and look normal for a change. My husband said he doesn’t notice it, but it’s the first thing I see when I go to the bathroom so he must be lying to make me feel better. (HE has mastered the art of not hurting someone feelings some time ago). What is more alarming for me though is that my youngest son is 8 and he notices everything and he reacts to his body and it’s fatigue, or aching or discomfort and has been regularly telling me and I’ve been telling him it’s growing pains…but it’s not. He is also highly sensitive to the world and notices how his body feels and isn’t ignoring it. I looked back at my childhood and realised that I was the same kid. The one that always screamed at the slightest pain but by the teen years, was breaking her arm and her nose and her finger playing competitive sport and not even wincing. I had dulled my physical pain because of a lack a parental support. I’d conditioned myself not to feel things. I realised, sadly, that this is what I had been doing with my son. Poo-pooing his complaints and not taking him seriously. Now I know differently, I need to reverse the damage.He’s only 8, so I hope I can repair some of it.
The importance of the right parental guidance cannot be stressed enough at this juncture. I didn’t realise what a mess you can make of parenting without even trying, just from your own conditionings.
I watched SPlit last night with James McAvoy and was terrified and also curious about how much damage a mother can do to her child. I think this is where my train of thought came from today!