New, Dry Year 2018

So..here we are again. Got through Christmas with some great books to read. Just polished off ” Can you Keep a Secret?” by Karen Perry https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/279508/can-you-keep-a-secret/ check it out. It’s a great read, and I really didn’t expect the twist. Couldn’t put it down.

Christmas up north. With the fam. A brother I hadn’t seen for 16 years who came back into my life 11 years ago following an awful family feud with our parents. I still have to pinch myself that he’s back in my life permanently. It’s been 11 years since we reconnected and I have to say, we don’t argue much and accept each other for what we are with our very different memories of childhood.

I also read ” The Choice” by Edith Eger, a holocaust survivor. Amazing woman, check her out too..https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=the+choice+edith+eger&tag=googhydr-21&index=aps&hvadid=225354322745&hvpos=1t1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8798589447832713804&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007128&hvtargid=kwd-348629894334&ref=pd_sl_1nvre9yusi_e

Excellent read.

I thought I had resolve….this woman wiped the floor with my resilience. I actually felt like a wimp 😦

New Year with friends in Sussex was good.

Happy 2018 peeps

Namaste

Big Love

 

Dry January – almost there..or am I..

So, 29th January. 29 solid days booze free. Birthday on the 21st, I drove us to a restaurant where we dined with the in laws. Who drank. My husband included. After being asked by the MIL if I’d like a Prosecco for my birthday, I politely said ” No thanks, Dry January, I’m doing so well. I’ll have a lime and soda.” Usually this kind of response is not welcome and I’ve been further encouraged to ‘just have the one for my birthday’. This time..not so. I think it was the way I delivered the message. Quite calm, nicely worded. Emotionless. Just a fact really. I’m not drinking in January. End of.

It was so….empowering.

So now that I’ve realised I have an actual superpower which actually has loads of benefits…..

the main ones being:

Flatter than flat stomach (Holy Moly, I could be 25!)

Collapsing into bed at 11.30- EARLIEST and still struggling to get to sleep (this is a massive change for me. I was always too tired to stay up past 9.30, if I was lucky)

Bouncing out of bed in the morning and not rushing around wondering what I’ve forgotten

….well, I kinda like the new me

The main downside?

My skin. Talk about dermatological eruption of epic proportion..I think the amount I used to drink- about 20 units a week I think, average, must have just sat inside me for years. And now it’s pouring out of me. My whole face is like a giant ball of puss. It’s gross. I can see the mothers at school staring at me. And that’s with almost 2 feet of foundation on, trying to hide the puss fountain that is my face! My children are even slightly disturbed. My son cracked open his Aloe Vera plant and said I should try it, might help my skin!

So I did.I’ll let you know.

What else have I discovered about not drinking?

I’ve really started to notice how I’m feeling and how to fix it. So I know if I’m hungry or thirsty or tired, or just need a rest. It’s so weird. I had no idea that I had dulled my senses so spectacularly.

It’s almost the end of January but I have no desire to touch a drop of alcohol. My green tea stash arrives tomorrow so I’m going to keep drinking the green stuff and eating the olives and see how February pans out. Who knows, at age 43, I might have kicked the habit…finally.

 

Watch this space

 

Namaste people

Big Love

 

 

 

 

DRY JANUARY

So… been a solid drinker from the age of 17… took a few years off when preganant but once the kids hit 3 years old, there I went, back on the wagon of love…or is it?

I always try to do dry January to convince myself I’m not a problem drinker or have a dependency. I grew up in a household where mother was drunk and a secret drinker and drove me to college whilst drunk..I didn’t realise it at the time. I just thought she was nuts.

I ran away a week before my 18th and moved in with a friend from work and her family..Lo and behold, also heavy drinkers but not secret ones. A whole new breed of drinkers. In fact, drinking was encouraged. Wednesday pub quiz night was THE night for the parents to take their 2 daughters and moi out to the pub to get hammered. I remember falling asleep on the table during the quiz because I was way over my limit but being chastised the next day for being ‘slack’. Then University came along at 21. Within 3 months I’d broken my nose on the toilet door – opened it on myself , ofcourse! – and had far too many to recall, nights where I was just not compos mentis. I finished University and split with the boyfriend, only to end up in Amsterdam – village of the damned, as I lovingly named it, with a new drug – marijuana. Wow, that stuff made me laugh and laugh and laugh a bit more…but I always preferred the booze to the smoke so my cravings continued. Then I land a job for an oil company where drinking is the way you relax, every night.

I could go on but I won’t…

My life had been an endless encouragement to drink myself to oblivion. Which is weird since I lived with an alcomom and usually kids of these people, don’t drink. But it was forced down my neck at every interval and here in ole Blighty it’s just not the done thing to say, ‘I don’t drink’. It’s like you’ve just condemned the person who IS drinking.

I had it again recently.Started my new job, small family run business, boss liked to have a drink, invites me amd my whole family over for drinks on Saturdays….they just never ended. If I tried to sneak off to bed at 1am I’d be told I was a light weight…after 7 solid hours of prosecco and endless bags of crisps and popcorn. After 3 such events, my husband and I decided that we would no longer sleep over and that one of us would drive- usually me. The boss actually poured whisky into my coffee one night! Determined to make me drink and stay the night..

These people are everywhere.

I watched my husband and my best friend of 20 years and HER husband on New Years eve, drinking all sorts of spirits, wines and beers from 5pm til almost 3am on New Years’ Day. I had 2 glasses of prosecco and a relatively good nights’ sleep. They all woke to a houseful of children – ours – with sore heads, red eyes, bad breathe and couldn’t eat their New Years’ Day lunch or be bothered to do anything in fact. I sat smug, knowing I had started my year off the way I wanted it to continue.

So far, I’ve been dry for 17 days and I am not craving anything. I’ve switched my vodka and orange for ginger ale and lime slice with ice. I’m not pigging out on crisps every night or waking up fuzzy headed and grumpy with the kids. My kids are 9 and 10 and they know when something is off with me now. I don’t want them to think grumpy is the norm for me. I don’t want them to think drinking at home is OK and is HOW IT’S DONE. I just don’t want my kids growing up to think that drinking is how you mask your problems.

I finally realised why I drank. It was the mask over me. The light stealer. The soul killer. The memory murderer.

I finally broke free.

Food for thought.

Nasaste people